{"id":760,"date":"2018-08-01T13:40:42","date_gmt":"2018-08-01T12:40:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theoaktreepractice.com\/?p=760"},"modified":"2024-02-22T15:18:02","modified_gmt":"2024-02-22T15:18:02","slug":"how-the-letters-we-send-and-receive-affect-our-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theoaktreepractice.com\/resources\/how-the-letters-we-send-and-receive-affect-our-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"How The \u2018Letters\u2019 We Send And Receive Affect Our Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"

I want to change the way you communicate. <\/span>Or at least the way you think about communication<\/a>. <\/span>Take a look at these examples and stick with me for a moment:<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

How The \u2018Letters\u2019 We Send And Receive Affect Our Relationships<\/strong><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

Example 1: <\/strong><\/span>A letter drops through your front door. <\/span>You announce: \u201cIt\u2019s just another bill!\u201d. <\/span>When you open it, you find that it\u2019s not what you expected at all but is something completely different.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

Example 2: <\/strong><\/span>How about this example of these two individuals in a relationship:<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

Partner A: \u201cI\u2019m going to stop by Simon\u2019s after work\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

Partner B: Thinks to themselves, \u201cNo problem, they\u2019ll only be a few minutes later than usual\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

Partner A: Arrives home at 11pm<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

Partner B: \u201cWhere have you been?!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

It\u2019s happened to us all at some point or another. You say something to another person, they take it the wrong way and it ends up in disaster. You didn\u2019t mean it to happen but the damage is done.<\/span><\/p>\n

It seems that in these instances we react according to how we interpret something, rather than how it was intended. This is what I mean by the difference between what is sent and received. i.e. The message the other individual intended for you, versus how you interpreted it.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

Why Do We Do This?<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

One possible explanation is that, as humans, we are wired to sense danger and have been for as long as we\u2019ve existed. When we see or hear something which could be considered to be \u2018dangerous\u2019, or \u2018attacking\u2019 in some way, we defend against it. Therefore, it might be that the way in which we respond to these sorts of situations is just how our mind protects us against potential incoming threats.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, the problem occurs when we are defending against something which actually isn\u2019t a threat in the first place. This in turn results in the other side feeling attacked themselves and can result in the situation escalating to a level to where it never should have gone in the first place. In relationships<\/a> which are already stressed or strained, this danger threshold may be lower, and so these situations may occur even more often.<\/span><\/p>\n

As far as I\u2019m aware, there has been no-one in the history of humanity who has been able to read minds. So what makes us think we can do this in our day to day lives? <\/span><\/p>\n

Imagine our relationships if we didn\u2019t make assumptions or at least questioned the assumptions we made. Wouldn\u2019t it be better if we opened the letter before we responded to it?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"open-the-letter\"

Wouldn\u2019t it be better if we opened the letter before we responded to it?<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

What Can We Do About This?<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

You can start by trying these five steps:<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n

    First, becoming aware that this may be something that happens to you. Consider times it may have happened recently and how what was intended may not have been how you interpreted it<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  2. \n

    Start to notice when you are doing it. Responses may initially be automatic, but the more you become aware of these sorts of issues, the more able you will be able to respond differently.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  3. \n

    Learn to \u201cpress the pause button\u201d. Before you react, take a moment to consider whether it was actually someone\u2019s intent to hurt\/annoy\/frustrate you. Are there any other feasible explanations? What are they going through? For example, are they stressed themselves?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  4. \n

    If you\u2019re not sure, ask for clarification \u2013 It\u2019s okay to ask for more information, or a follow-up question to check if you understood something correctly.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  5. \n

    If all else fails \u2013 is it possible to give the other person the benefit of the doubt?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    <\/div>\n

    Final Thoughts<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n

     <\/p>\n

    This may all seem simple, but it\u2019s a trap we all fall into at some point in our lives. By taking the time to open the letter and consider its contents carefully, we can reply in a much more helpful and useful way, than if we respond without opening it in the first place.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Finally, our relationships are precious and need to be nurtured. When it comes to the contents of a letter, it might not matter so much, but our relationships are much more meaningful. It is without doubt that we can all do more to improve the way we communicate, so let\u2019s start now and make a difference.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    I want to change the way you communicate. Or at least the way you think about communication. Take a look at these examples and stick with me for a moment:…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":764,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow The \u2018Letters\u2019 We Send And Receive Affect Our Relationships - The Oak Tree Practice<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Our expert discusses relationships and how they need to be nurtured, emphasising the importance of communication. 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