People sometimes wonder whether their phobias can be “got rid of” entirely. If you find yourself wondering about this, you probably experience some struggle with a phobia that feels hard to escape. You may know rationally that a particular fear is irrational or out of proportion but at the same time it just feels very real in the body.
The good news is that phobias are highly treatable. We will look at one straight forward approach below that you can take on either with a therapist or on your own.
But first, let’s look at how phobias develop, what keeps them going and then we’ll get to what actually helps.
What is a phobia?
A phobia is an intense fear response to a specific object or situation, such as heights, flying, tight spaces, animals, needles, vomiting or social situations. The fear is not chosen, and it is not a sign of weakness. It’s an automatic alarm response from the nervous system, often manifested through a past experience, such as being frightened by a certain object or situation, or though learning, such as being told growing up that heights are dangerous.
Once this association between an object or situation and fear is formed, the body reacts as if the threat is real and immediate, even when the rational part of the mind knows otherwise.
Why avoidance makes phobias worse
The most important thing to understand about phobias is this: avoidance keeps them alive (see figure 1).
Avoiding the feared situation brings short term relief, which teaches the brain that avoidance is necessary for safety. Over time, this strengthens the fear response and often causes the phobia to spread or become more restrictive. Life gradually shrinks around the fear.
This is why trying to “manage” a phobia by avoiding triggers usually makes it feel worse, not better.
Figure 1. Phobia maintenance cycle.
Exposure is the key to healing
The most effective treatment for phobias is gradual exposure, a process of gently and repeatedly facing the feared situation in a planned, voluntary way. Exposure allows the nervous system to learn that you are safe even in the presence of the feared object or situation, and thus that it does not need to trigger the anxiety alarm. Once the subconscious mind realises that you are safe even in the presence of a feared object or situation, it starts letting go.
Helpful principles to consider when planning exposure. Exposure should be:
- Gradual, not overwhelming
- Break the goal of exposure into different steps and rank them according to difficulty. For example, say I have a phobia of birds. I can set a goal of being able to feed the birds in a park comfortably. I can then break this down into different steps: looking at a drawing of a bird, looking at a picture of a bird. Looking at an actual bird at a distance, standing close to a bird, feeding multiple birds in the park. Now you can tackle these one by one instead of doing it all at once.
- Repeated, not one-off
- For each step, stay on it until the anxiety has gone away completely. Then repeat this step again and again until it no longer triggers anxiety. Your mind might play tricks on you here and make you think that your anxiety will keep rising endlessly. But when you put this to the test you will see that this cannot happen. If you stay with the anxiety, without avoiding it, for long enough, you will see that anxiety rises to a certain point, peaks, and slowly starts going back down, even though you remain in the presence of the feared object.
- The next time you take the same step, the same process will happen, but anxiety will peak and start going down a little sooner. So, if you keep repeating this, eventually the step will no longer trigger anxiety, and you are ready to move on to the next step.
- Voluntary, not forced
- Exposure has to be a voluntary process where you choose to go through with it in order to lead to healing. If you are forced to do it, you will not have the same befit. You need realise that you are safe in the presence of the feared situation or object, which is unlikely to happen if someone else forces you into it.
- Focused on staying present, rather than escaping or neutralising fear, the goal is to feel the anxiety during exposure until it eventually subsides on its own. This helps you learn that fear can rise and fall on its own without needing to escape it.
Essentially the trick is to voluntarily expose yourself to the fear to an extent where you feel uncomfortable but able to stay with that feeling, without needing to escape or distract yourself, until the fear naturally goes down, and to do this repeatedly.
Working with thoughts that fuel fear
Phobias are often maintained by powerful mental images and predictions: “I’ll lose control,” “Something terrible will happen,” “I won’t cope.” If you do exposure work by yourself or with a therapist, such thoughts will likely start fading as you put them to the test and they don’t come true.
It can also be helpful to learn to relate differently to such thoughts, to stop arguing with them endlessly, and instead learning to see them as mental events rather than facts. Thoughts are just thoughts; they don’t need to have any power over you.
When thoughts lose their grip, behaviour becomes more flexible.
Does fear ever fully disappear?
For many people, phobic fear reduces dramatically and may stop interfering with life altogether. For others, some fear remains, but it no longer dictates choices. Progress often looks like:
- Fear shows up but passes more quickly
- Avoidance reduces
- Confidence grows through experience
- Life expands again
This is real and lasting change.
A final note
Phobias are not flaws in your character. They are learned fear responses, and learned responses can be unlearned. With the right approach, patience and support, it is absolutely possible to loosen a phobia’s grip and reclaim parts of your life that fear has taken over.
If a phobia is limiting your world, working with a psychologist trained in evidence-based approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy or acceptance and commitment therapy can help you move forward safely and at your own pace.
