Many of us have been in this exact relationship. One person thinks in facts and solutions, the other navigates life through feelings and intuition.
You have one person saying: “What can you do about it?”, while the other says “Just let me tell you how I’m feeling and give me a hug”.
Most couples will be able to speak in the same language on a day-to-day basis. But when stressed, the need for comfort or conflict enters the picture, the differences appear more clearly.
This is where couples often find themselves speaking different emotional “languages”, and learning each other’s language can make all the difference.
Different Brains, Same Team
Let’s be very clear here, it’s not that a person is logical or emotional – most of us can do both. However, we may lean more comfortably one way or the other when handling stress, conflict or decision making.
The logical leaning partner prioritises solutions, efficiency and reason. They want to fix, organise and solve things.
The emotional leaning partner values connection, empathy and emotional support. They want to feel seen, understood and connected.
The challenge here is not that either way is better than the other, they’re just different.
I may speak English, and you may speak French, but if our way of communicating is purely and rigidly speaking our respective languages, then we will likely struggle to really understand each other.
The answer here is trying to learn the language of the other person.
It may be difficult, languages may not naturally come to us, but we do have a responsibility to at least learn some words to best understand our partner and stay connected.
When Logical And Emotional Aren’t Friends
Let me give you an example:
Emotional: “My boss has given me too much work to do, my colleague is off so I’m having to cover them too and my friend wants to see me tomorrow night”
Logical: “Ok, why don’t you cancel your friend tomorrow so you can catch up with work or relax?”
Emotional: “I just want you to listen!”
Logical: “I thought I was helping ”
The key here is that nobody is wrong. One is trying to connect, the other is trying to support. But they’re speaking different languages.
The emotional leaning partner may translate the problem solving as dismissal or not being heard.
The logical partner hears the feelings as unhelpful or lacking direction and repair.
The intent on both sides is often pure, it’s just the language is not matching up.
So How Can Logical And Emotional Be Friends?
1) Start by recognising the intention and begin with an assumption of goodwill
To the Emotional leaning partner: They are not trying to shut you down, just help
To the Logical leaning partner: They are not being dramatic, just expressing what they feel
2) Have a conversation about your needs and wants
If there is a certain way you like to receive support, have a conversation about it at a quiet and relaxed time.
Discuss what your primary need is (e.g. being heard), and how this may be combined with some sort of logical response where helpful.
3) Communicate, communicate, communicate
If you want something, ask for it. Expecting your partner to guess what you want when you want it could work, but what may seem obvious to you may not always seem obvious to them.
4) Celebrate the difference
The emotional leaning partner brings warmth, depth and connection.
The logical leaning partner brings grounding, planning and problem-solving.
These two qualities don’t compete, they make you complete.
Final Thought
A healthy relationship is not about perfection, nor is it about being the same.
It is about recognising the unique ingredients that you each bring and working together to create the best recipe that suits your partnership.
You may not get it right the first time, the second time, or even the third. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s the ongoing willingness to learn, adjust, and keep building something better together.
And on that note – Merci d’avoir lu mon article 🙂
